iTazer - ass kicking edition - Google Play

** As "Featured" on the Daily Show! ;-) - Don't taze me bro!

After years of waiting and much anticipation, the iPhone's original #1 tazer is finally available on Android.

The full version includes
- realistic tazer(TM) vibration
- flashing camera strobe ****
- a new, much scarier tazer design

From the manufacturer:

iTazer is the safe and effective alternative to current controversial stun weapons found on the market. Just the sound of its loud electrical clacking noise, vibrating rattle, flashing lights, and the sight of the high-voltage arc are enough to send even the hardest criminals fleeing, screaming like a little girl (especially if said criminal is, in fact, a little girl).

Your friends will be stunned*, shocked*, and awed* when they see you chasing after them with a crazed look on your face and an iTazer in your hand. This will likely be followed by confusion in seeing that it is not, in fact, a tazer, but an Android Phone, iPhone® or iPod Touch® with an incredibly realistic looking tazer application running on it. Your friend might then start to laugh, which could possibly anger you, causing you to give them an iKick**, or at least a iWetWillie**. Who's laughing now? Beware, however: Some may whip out their iPhone® and start chasing you with an iTazer of their own. These kinds of iTazer matches have been known to last as long as 10 seconds, at which time your boss will probably tell you to stop making all racket, and get back to work.

Here are some testimonials from satisfied iTazer users:

"I was never able to browse websites and listen to music with my old tazer. Thanks iTazer!"
- Brad Olson

"LOL. WTF?"
- Officer Patrick Morgan, SPD

"The thing about Apple Cops: They have the coolest Tazers"
- John Stewart, The Daily Show *****

We do not recommend using iTazer for actual self-defense purposes in a potentially threatening situation unless you are absolutely positive that the criminal is stupid enough to believe that he or she will be tazed and run away. If you are not sure of this, you should install and use i911** instead.

* We are deeply sorry for the blatant puns. No, this app doesn't "really shock you," Einstein.

** These apps are currently in development and will be released as soon as we figure out what exactly someone would use them for.

*** Vibration will not work on iPod Touch devices. On the first generation iPod Touch, since it doesn't have a speaker, nor will the sound, so put in headphones and pretend like they're ear protection.

**** Flashing light will only work on phones running android 2.2 or later that also have a camera with an LED flash. If your camera strobe is not working, find yourself a flashlight and turn it on and off as fast as you can while pressing the taze button.

****** This is not a joke